Friday, October 10, 2008

The Phobia I Invented

I have a fear of glass doors. As far as I know there is no name for this phobia. I looked on a phobia site on the internet and couldn't see one. There is a name for every other phobia on the planet, just not this one. So, I have the distinction of inventing a new phobia. Something I'm not very proud of. But for anyone out there suffering from this same phobia, I am going to share my story, and if enough people suffer from this same fear, I will start a support group. I also need to name my phobia. After you read my story, if you have any thoughts of good names for it, please post them.

First of all, my husband was sweet enough to help make one of my lifelong dreams come true. I got to got to an Earth, Wind & Fire concert. I am a huge, ginormous fan of this group. I have loved them since high school. I plan to write a Broadway Play using their music (similar to Mama Mia and ABBA music). So no one steal my idea. It's here and posted and it's MINE!!! Anyway, after years of longing, I found out they were coming to Vegas, so my husband caved and agreed we could go. So my husband, Gary, my daughter, Andrea, my sister, Alicia, her husband Clare, and her son, Alex (who will be cast as the star of my play in his Broadway debut - you're welcome, Al) all drove to Vegas to the greatest concert on earth.

We parked in the parking lot of the hotel (can't remember which one - probably because I've blocked it from my mind because of the trama that was about to ensue) and began to walk toward the entrance. By this time I'm in a frenzy of excitement. I'm about to hear many of my favorite tunes . . . September, Boogie Wonderland, Let's Groove Tonight, and a dozen others, and can barely contain myself.

As we walked toward the entrance, we are all talking and laughing and having a great time, like we always do when we're together, and of course, I'm in the lead because I'm the most excited and am dying to get inside and shake my groove thang, when all of a sudden BAM! I walked straight into the freaking glass window, right next to the glass door, and ricocheted off, and fell back.

Immediately, Alex, fell on the ground laughing. Pretty much, every family member with me is dying of laughter AND everyone else who was walking by and through the open entrance, as opposed to those of us (ME) who attempted to walk through the glass. Of course, at least the strangers are nice enough to cover their mouths and pretend they didn't see it. But nooooo, my family is laughing so loud the security guard is alerted. Did they stop laughing long enough to see if I was injured. NO! Did they stop laughing long enough to see if I wanted to crawl in a hole and die? NO! (Note to self, never do anything embarrassing in front of people who will never, ever let you forget it happened.)

After they finally composed themselves (fifteen minutes to be exact), they pointed me to the actual door, and we went inside.
Luckily, I was not injured physically and was able to witness the most amazing concert of my life. I'm telling you, this band was over the top awesome. And Philip Bailey, the lead singer, blew everyone away with his incredible voice. He reached notes even Mariah Carey couldn't touch!

I was thrilled my to have my sister there. We got down with our bad selves and danced like there was no tomorrow. So even though the evening started off with a BAM, it ended with a BANG (no, I didn't run into another door). Now, if you watch closely as I walk, I keep one hand in front of me just a few inches, just in case there's a sheet of glass I happen to not see.

I just need to name that phobia. Here are a few of my ideas, please let me know yours.

Flattenmyfaceaphobia
Owethathurtaphobia
Whattheheckaphobia
I'msoembarrassedaphobia
Didanyoneseethataphobia

9 comments:

Kendyl Carol Bell said...

What about Iamanidiotphobia?

Jewel's Gems said...

How about plateglassicalphobia.
Works for me:o)

Danyelle Ferguson said...

Oh Michele - I feel your pain - literally! I was at a family reunion & was walking into my brother's house (it was evening) and didn't realize the screen had been pulled across the entry way. I was busy talking to my uncle, and walked right into the screen, then bounced back into him. Let me tell you - the smoosh effect on my whole body just wasn't that pleasant. I imagine it's way worse when the smoosh effect is caused by glass.

Good luck living it down with your family. You know it's going to be relived every year for years and years and years to come. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they wrote about it in their journals just so they could pass it on down to posterity. :)

Stephanie Black said...

Loved your story :)

I ran straight through a screen door once--didn't realize it was closed and just plunged right through it.

Janette Rallison said...

Yeah, I've done that too. But like most of my embarrassing moments, they become part of my books. I used the running into the glass door thing in Revenge of The Cheerleaders.

Shirley Bahlmann said...

Oh, Michele, I'm sorry you ran into the door! Did you leave one of those little prints of your face on the glass? Did you autograph it with lipstick? They really should have let you do that, in lieu of a lawsuit.
And don't make your family dessert again. Ever. They have to make YOU dessert, and give you back rubs, and make you fruit smoothies.
I don't know what to call your phobia, but your suggestions made me laugh! I'm adding a link to your blog on my blogsite! www.shirleybahlmann.blogspot.com.
Thanks for turning your pain into such a funny blog.

brendleca said...

I so shoulda been there with you guys. Okay, I probably would have laughed too, but would have eventually stopped long enough to see if you were okay. Then, when you lied and said you were, I'd start laughing again. I don't know what it is about others misfortune, but everyone is this family thinks it's super funny. What does that say about us?

Nancy Campbell Allen said...

Michele, I'm laughing! I'm so sorry, but I am.

My daughter has your phobia. Four years ago at a New Years party at my sister's house, Nina had her head down and was coming in from my sister's sun room but didn't realize the sliding glass doors were closed. She hit them with her head and they shattered all around her. We were scared for a minute until my husband helped her back out of the jagged mess.

So yeah, she's right there with you. ;-) Wait till I tell her!

Cheri J. Crane said...

Michele, you have my full sympathies. Maybe it's something to do with Vegas? During one of our jaunts down that way I walked right into a huge towering vase thing---it was only about 8 feet tall and 4 feet wide. My children still tease me about that. I'm still not sure how that happened. In my defense, I must have been thinking of something very important and was temporarily distracted. ;)